


Not Who They Made Us

by himynameisv



Series: Three of Us Against the World [3]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Canon-Typical Violence, Everyone Needs A Hug, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Thanos’s A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28483611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himynameisv/pseuds/himynameisv
Summary: Gamora's world is falling apart right in front of her eyes; she doesn't know what to do.
Relationships: Gamora & Loki & Nebula (Marvel)
Series: Three of Us Against the World [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2028131
Comments: 9
Kudos: 24





	Not Who They Made Us

She thinks she loved him.

Okay, not in _that_ way.

But they'd grown close together, they'd formed something like a family; and although she'd known Nebula for many more years, she thought that he meant ( _means_ , whatever) the same thing to her as Nebula does.

He's gone now, and she can't help but feel alone.

* * *

They had fought occasionally, for fun, to improve their skills and whatnot. It wasn't like there were others worth their time to spar with except for Nebula, who always declined because the only times she would fight them would be in front of Thanos. (Perhaps recreational fighting was something she never understood.)

He surprised her the first few times, with his magic, his illusions. She'd like to think she surprised him too, but it was hard to tell with someone like Loki.

He was a good fighter, willing to improvise and/or bend the rules to win, stubborn and not willing to face his past either. It took her a while to try and figure out the puzzle that was Loki, to know him just a bit better if they were both going to be stuck in this hell together, but she thinks she did it, eventually.

"You hesitate," she had noted once, as they drank water after a particularly close battle. She didn't actually know who'd won, but she liked to think it'd been her.

"When?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"When you use your magic." She rolled her eyes, pushing away confusion and curiosity in favor of humor. "You know I'd still win even if you _did_ use it."

That shocked a laugh out of him. "Your confidence astounds me. My condolences for your most recent defeat."

She frowned, but decided not to protest in lieu of answers. "Answer the question."

"What question? You didn't ask a question." He blinked at her innocently.

She belatedly realized that he was right, and that she technically hadn't actually asked a question, just commented on something. He smirked at the sight of her scowl. "Here's the question, then: why do you hesitate when you use your magic?"

He sighed, looking up at the ceiling as if he could find his answers there. Well, good luck with that; not many could find answers in this place. "Back...where I came from, it was considered cowardly to use magic in battle. I was often pronounced a cheater, and therefore the loser, because of it."

She pursed her lips, taking in the information, putting another puzzle piece into place. "Why?"

He shrugged. "It's considered a 'womanly' endeavor." She punched him in the arm. "Ow! I never said I agreed!" He rubbed the sore spot with his opposite hand, a pout on his face. She snorted; she hadn't punched him hard enough to hurt.

"What _do_ you think, then?" she asked, wanting to know, wanting to see what made Loki tick.

"It doesn't matter what I think. Not there, and certainly not here."

She nodded; it stung, remembering that they were technically prisoners here, that Thanos would never let them go. "Well," she started, "I think that that's stupid, and that, in a life or death situation, you should be allowed to use everything in your arsenal, every single one of your abilities. If magic is one of those, then...what's wrong with that?" On hindsight, it probably hadn't been the most eloquent thing she'd ever said, especially compared with his vocabulary, but it had meant something to him then (and that had been enough).

He smiled. She didn't think she'd seen him smile before. "Thank you. It's nice that _some_ one agrees."

She stood up then, offering a hand down to help him up too; he waved it away and stood up on his own, as expected. "Do you think any of those people who called you a coward can do what you do?"

He shook his head, smile still on his face. "I _know_ they can't."

* * *

During their next spar, he didn't hold back, and she had fallen flat on her face trying to tackle one of his illusions.

He was so busy laughing at her expense that she had ended up winning.

He still brought the incident up every now and again, though, roping Nebula into laughing with him. "I wish I could've seen that," she would say, nearly doubling over with mirth. And Gamora never had anything to say and counter that.

Damn.

* * *

They hardly had healthy or consistent sleep schedules, but when they did manage to try and sleep at the same place and time, the hazy before-sleep, bone-deep tiredness was almost enough for her to lie to herself, tell herself that this was normal, that they were _safe_ , that they were a family.

"Why do you stay?" Loki had asked once. She watched as his magic crept up the walls of the room like branches, like vines, lighting it up and chasing away some of the darkness. They didn't need night lights, but it was sometimes nice to see where you were, even if his magic was beginning to fray at the edges.

"What do you mean?" Nebula shot back, voice low, almost a whisper, as if they were little kids talking to each other when they were supposed to be asleep, waiting for a parent to come in and shush them. (It was a comforting thought, if you forgot that Thanos was technically their parent.)

"You've been here for years, haven't you? You've had ample opportunity to escape."

With a finger, Gamora traced the green lines of light on the wall beside her. "It wouldn't be easy." Nebula said nothing.

"But it's still possible, isn't it?" His voice revealed a hope that only he, someone who had been here mere months compared to their years, could feel.

"Thanos made us who we are today," Gamora said softly. She could hear him shift on his bed to face her, could hear Nebula fidgeting a little with her thin blanket. "Without him...I don't think I could do it. I'd have no purpose; it'd just be weird, going around the galaxy without an overarching goal in mind."

"Even if that goal means the death of half of all life in the universe?" He sounded skeptical, like he was judging them.

Gamora sighed. "It's easier, if we think about smaller goals - forget."

"The fact that you're aware of his utter wrongness means something."

"Not if you don't do anything about it." Gamora laughed quietly, self-deprecatingly. She almost missed it when Nebula piped back into the conversation.

"Thanos molded me, quite literally." She turned her head towards her sister, watching Nebula flex her metal fingers. If she hadn't been so tired, she maybe could've felt sympathy towards her sister's situation; but then, all she could feel was a quiet sort of numbness you could only get right before sleep. "I don't think I could leave him if I tried."

Loki hummed in acknowledgment. The soft green light flickered for a moment, before stabilizing. "Sorry," he muttered.

Gamora shrugged, even though she knew he wasn't looking. "Does it hurt - what he does with your magic?"

"It does. I suppose we can't do anything about it, though."

She sighed. "No we can't."

They spent a few minutes in silence, watching Loki play around with his magic, bending energy and creating light, creating stories. She liked watching him use it, the joy on his face so _true_ that she doubted Thanos could take it away unless one of his experiments went too far and damaged it permanently.

Nebula spoke up, voice barely a murmur. "Is this how it's going to be, then? Borderline betraying Father, not quite crossing the line?"

"I suppose so," Loki replied.

Gamora hummed in agreement. "At least we realize that he's wrong." _Unlike everyone else._

Nebula snorted. "Unike Corvus?"

Loki laughed quietly and started to mimic him. "Hello, I'm Corvus Glaive. I use a glaive as my weapon because I'm _just so clever_."

"Ooh...can you do Ebony?" Nebula asked him excitedly. Gamora smiled; they were never going to sleep at this rate.

"I will do anything for you, Master, in all your wrinkly purple glory! I will beg and grovel simply for the great honor of a place by your side!"

"And Thane?"

Gamora could just _see_ the furrow of Loki's brow. "Who's that?"

"Thanos's only blood child," Nebula said with such scorn that Gamora was glad it wasn't directed at her.

"Hmm... _oh_ , the tinier purple one, you mean."

"Exactly! I don't even know what he does half the time!"

"I pity the poor child, sharing Thanos's blood."

"At least when _he_ does something wrong, we know it came from his genes."

"Shhhh!" Gamora berated them half-heartedly. They shot her nearly identical grins, only to turn back and continue talking of nearly treasonous things.

* * *

It was so many months later, so many spars and missions and nights up later, that he found her in one of the ship's many alcoves. This particular one was practically owned by the three of them now, and no Chitauri foot soldiers dared to enter or even stray close.

She heard his footsteps, turned around from the sight of stars to greet him, and, somehow, immediately knew something was wrong.

"Something's," _wrong_ , "come up."

She'd narrowed her eyes at him. "What's come up?"

He was breathing too quickly, hands twisting together to hide the tremors, eyes darting around and not meeting hers. "I...you know this has been coming." He swallowed, and finally lifted his head to look her in the eyes. She could read the _fear_ in there, and that made _her_ scared more than anything.

"What are you talking about?" She laughed mirthlessly, because humor was always the way to go during uncertainty, apparently.

"He's sending me away."

She just about stopped breathing. "To where?"

"Mid- Terra. He's sending me to Terra."

She narrowed her eyes at the disruption in speech, but let it go for now. "An infinity stone is there. Right. But why you? Why did you expect this?"

He laughed bitterly; it caused something to stir in her chest. "I'm his least favorite, aren't I? It only makes sense, sending the least favored child with the least competent army to the least advanced planet in the universe."

She pursed her lips. "It's only temporary, isn't it?" _Oh, please let it be temporary._

He hesitated. She could see it in the way he clenched his jaw and his hands, in the way he closed his eyes for a moment to prepare himself for the bomb that was about to burst out. "It's...meant to be, but I'm going to make it permanent."

"That sounds...suspiciously close to 'I'm going to kill myself'."

He closed his eyes tightly, and she knew she had hit a sore spot. " _I'm_ not going to do it."

"Then who, the Terrans? You're going to let them kill you? _Really?_ " She let out a harsh laugh. "No. You're going to come back, and you're going to be fine like you always are. You're going to come back and give Nebula a souvenir or something and tell me about the people and the culture there. That's what you're going to do!" She didn't know why she was shouting. He was just an acquaintance, right? Thanos called them his children, but he hadn't meant for anything _close_ to sibling relationships to form. They were allies, called to fight for Thanos and fight each other when need be. They were who Thanos wanted them to be, which certainly didn't include anything like what she, Loki, and Nebula had become.

It was too late. She couldn't turn back on that now, and it _hurt_.

His eyes were suspiciously shiny, so she turned away and back to the stars to avoid this new vulnerability. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

She knew. She had known from the moment he'd walked in. "Why?" was all she could ask.

"You don't actually want Thanos to win, do you? If he gets his hands on another infinity stone, the momentum could propel him to a real victory. No world, no being will be safe from the mass destruction he has planned."

She'd been naive, ignoring all of that in lieu of keeping the three of them together - safe. "He won't do that, not yet. We still have time," she said softly, even if she didn't really believe it.

She heard him shuffling before he came up to stand beside her, tracing the stars with his eyes and burning them into his memory. "If I...purposefully lose, orchestrate my own defeat, his plans will be more permanently delayed."

"So you're really going to let the Terrans kill you?" she asked, voice bitter. It was for the greater good, sure, but she hadn't been thinking about that for a while.

He shook his head, a wry smile on his face. "Terra is supposedly under my realm's protection."

She turned her head sharply towards him. "You mean, the place where you grew up? The place that belittled your magic and your kind? You really wanna go back there?"

"Perhaps I'll see Thor again," he said softly, not entirely listening to her. _Thor_. She'd heard that name before, in throes of pain and nightmares. "He'll probably be sent to try and defeat me. They'll have to execute me for my crimes; it's the only suitable punishment."

"That's practically suicide," she said, mimicking his softness. Anything louder than that didn't seem to fit in the moment.

"Yes."

She hesitantly leaned her head against his shoulder. He stiffened, but didn't pull away. "You're acting so heroic."

A bark of laughter. "I am no hero."

"You are, if you're going against _him_." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "He destroyed my life, destroyed Nebula's; but I'm still glad I met you."

Another bark of laughter. She was apparently good at surprising him. "I suppose I share the same sentiment, Sister."

They breathed in the silence, watching the stars go by and listening to the footfalls of others who didn't know about this - this thing that was happening here. Loki was about to bruise her heart and nobody would ever know it.

Except, "Have you told Nebula?"

He stiffened. "I had a very vague conversation with her."

She sighed. It would have to do.

* * *

He left sometime later. She crossed her arms and tried not to feel like she was alone - she still had Nebula, after all - but the feeling still came and enveloped her for a while.

When the feeling eventually left her, she belatedly realized that she had another dagger in her holster. She took it out gently, tracing the swirling designs (green like her skin, like his magic) against gleaming silver. Almost ornate, decorative; she tightened her grip on the handle and tried a few maneuvers, realizing that 'almost' was a correct assumption, because it still seemed quite deadly.

(It wasn't very balanced, not at all; which made her appreciate him even more.)

She wondered whether he had placed it there without her noticing, or if he had simply made it appear with his magic. She wondered whether it had been conjured up, or if it had been made with careful and firm hands. She wondered if she would ever see him again, or if he would be out of her grasp forever.

She knew she wouldn't get answers anytime soon. Even so, she swore that she could feel his essence coming from the blade (and that had been enough).

* * *

So now - _now_ \- she feels a weird sense of loss (something she might've felt for her mother long ago).

"The runt is in Asgard's prisons now," Thanos says, so she clenches her fingers and her jaw to avoid doing something she'd regret later. "He lost us two infinity stones, but that is alright, because I have information regarding a third."

He looks down at her, meets her eyes. Gamora feels goosebumps crawl up her spine and wonders if Nebula, right next to her, can feel her shaking. "Which stone is it, Father?" Her voice isn't quite steady, but it's good enough. (She's always been good enough.)

He smiles. Why hadn't she noticed how ugly it was before? "There is talk of a being on Deo with a map to the soul stone."

"That's far," she says neutrally. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Nebula frown.

"It is. I trust that you will see this mission through." _Unlike Loki._

She nods, then blurts out, "Can I take Nebula with me?" She immediately clamps her mouth shut again and hopes it hadn't been too suspicious. Not that there's much of anything to be suspicious _of_ , at the moment.

Nebula turns her head sharply to look at her in clear shock. "Of course, Daughter." Gamora hates the word now. "You will be ready in a week?" She notes that the timeline has shortened considerably; she wonders if - no, it's definitely because of Loki.

"Yes," she says, tacking on 'Father' at the last second.

"Thank you, Father," Nebula mutters afterwards, glancing at the floor like she wants to be anywhere but here. Gamora can relate, for once.

And so, like Loki had before, she starts planning.

* * *

By doing this, she's defying Thanos (much more than she had before, that is). By doing this, she's following in Loki's footsteps (not including the possible dying part, that is (she still refuses to believe it)). By doing this, she's trying to save the galaxy. By doing this, she's saving herself and Nebula, too.

By doing this, maybe she can be more than what Thanos molded her to be. Maybe she can live up to what Loki saw in her.

* * *

There is a reason why Loki had been the planner, and not her. (She and Nebula have always been the ones to do whatever and hope for the best.)

They find the Deonist, as planned. He doesn't put up much of a fight, seeing as he's already kind of getting up there in years. Killing him is a mercy since he was already halfway there. (She tells herself that, at least.)

Nebula is outside, trying to keep guard as inconspicuously as possible. This is a hard feat, seeing as anyone who's been a target of Nebula's stare would run for the hills; but so far, there's been no trouble.

It takes a bit of rummaging around, but she eventually manages to find an old and crumpled map in one of his drawers. At first, she thinks it's too obvious, too easy, that it's either wrong or a trap, but she rummages around some more and finds no other piece of parchment that even vaguely resembles a map.

This must be it, then.

She pauses and takes a look out the window for a second, making sure Nebula is still out there. Then, she carefully unrolls the delicate parchment. _Vormir_ , she sees, and promptly sets the map on fire with a nearby candle.

She calmly walks out the door, Nebula following her, but not before she takes the time to close the Deonist's eyes. _I'm sorry._

When they are maybe 30 meters away from the ship, Nebula pounces on her, slamming them both onto the ground so that her breath is knocked out of her lungs and her head throbs. "What did you do?!" she hisses.

Gamora blinks up at her innocently. "I completed the mission." Nebula narrows her eyes. "Father will be pleased," she adds, hoping that her sister trusts her enough to not think too suspiciously of her.

Hopes always set you up for failure. "You burned the map." It isn't a question.

She sighs. "I did."

Nebula growls, grabbing a knife from her own holster and holding it against her throat. She presses just enough for a few small beads of blood to leak out. "What were you going to do?" her sister asks harshly. "Go back, tell Tha- Father that _I_ was the one who failed and _you_ were the one who tried to stop me? Frame me? Have me punished? Is that it?!" she screams, and there's so much vulnerability in there that it hurts.

"I wasn't," she protests, but she's seen Nebula like this before, knows there's no convincing her. She struggles, trying to free herself, but Nebula digs her knees into her hands and she winces.

"He's going to _kill_ me for this!" Oh, but isn't he going to kill Gamora, too?

"Not if we don't come back," she says, looking Nebula in the eyes, praying she understands, praying she can feel how much she means to her and how much she needs her after all they've been through.

Her prayers have never been answered. "What makes you think we won't?" Gamora stares at her and doesn't stop. Nebula growls, getting up and flinging the dagger away with such force that it embeds itself into a nearby wall. Gamora gets up as well, brushing away dust from her clothes and blood from her neck.

"I knew you were planning something," Nebula accuses, slamming her fist into the wall one, two, three, four times. The dents are growing, and Gamora doesn't stop her (knows it's hopeless to), instead choosing to cross her arms over her chest and wonder when the two of them had gone wrong.

(They had been healed, somewhat, with Loki. But now?)

"We don't have to go back." Nebula looks at her disbelievingly. "We don't!" she insists. "This is the farthest we've ever been away from the _Sanctuary_. It'll be a week or two before Thanos realizes something is wrong. We can leave! We can go and do whatever we want and be free of him! Isn't that what you want?!" She doesn't understand; but then again, she's never entirely understood Nebula.

Nebula gazes at her as if she's lost her mind. Maybe she has. "He won't let us," she whispers.

Something twists painfully in Gamora's chest, and she extends her hands out towards her sister so that maybe she'll understand that she's not alone in this, that Thanos won't find them because _Gamora won't let him_. Loki did this before, so why can't they?

Nebula turns away. Gamora lets her hands and hopes fall. "Go," she says, so softly that Gamora almost doesn't hear her.

"What?" she gasps out.

"Go!" Nebula screams, all but pushing her away with her words. Gamora doesn't _understand_.

"What do you mean, 'go'?! I can't just leave you here!"

"Before I change my mind and take us back to him, just go!" And this time Nebula does push her, hands on her shoulders, away from her and towards the looming ship. Gamora gapes. Nebula shakes her head with a mirthless smile. "I think you're crazy, thinking that you can escape him. But usually, if _you_ think you can do something, you can do it. If you think you can win, then you can do it and let me suffer the consequences. This is no different, Gamora. This is what you've been doing. All. Your. Life."

"What...?" Gamora breathes out. Somebody explain. Somebody pause her life and rewind and explain to her when it had all went wrong.

"I'm letting you go. Take the chance, before I regret it."

And so Gamora turns and runs, away from her sister, one of the only people she's ever really cared about (but never really known). She runs towards freedom, but only for her.

She looks back briefly and sees Nebula's slowly shrinking form watching her, emotionless. She's still standing in that one spot when Gamora enters the ship, when she starts the engines, when she shoots up into the atmosphere and flies away.

Gamora sits back in her seat, letting breaths tear through her and tears fall for possibly the first time since she can remember.

And just like that, three siblings are scattered to the winds.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Okay. I think I have it figured out. So, this series will have 7 installments (4 more). The next 3 will be like the first 3, in that they're one-shots that mostly follow canon and fill in the blanks, kind of. The last one will be a full on, multi-chaptered Infinity War and Endgame AU because I want the Loki and Gamora of the main timeline to be alive, damn it!
> 
> Yeah, so now there's a million plot bunnies jumping on my bed because the AU could go so many different ways and I've never done something quite this ambitious.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for all your support for this series! It really means a lot. :)


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